March 1, 2006

  • Part II of I: Part I

    Tapioca pudding is stupid. Don't eat it. Reasons why:

    • It looks like slime mold mixed with frog eggs.
    • It looks like rotten skim milk with pieces of glass in it.
    • It looks like a greasy load with rock candy sprinkled on top.
    • It looks like old oatmeal with fish eggs.
    • It tastes like anti-good-tasting stuff.

    Olives are stupid. Don't eat them. Reasons why:

    • You think it tastes good but it doesn't.
    • They're round in shape. Round food is overrated and totally rolls away when you drop it.
    • Reevaluate the taste next time and tell me that isn't disgusting.
    • No seriously, what is that? It taste like the inside of an asshole after it just blew some green apple chunks. I know this from experience.

    Dark Chocolate stupid. Man it's stupid. Reasons why:

    • It tastes like, oh I don't know, STUPID. TAKE THAT DARK CHOCOLATE!
    • Darker doesn't equal better. I mean, HANUS BLACK JOKE!!! AM I RIGHT?!
    • DUDE BRO I AM TOTALLY TYPING IN CAPITAL LETTERS LIKE I'M YELLING AT MY COMPUTER SCREEN

    Paving is awesome. We should pave over everything. Reasons why:

    • Parking lots are great because animals can't live there. I hate animals.
    • Bulldozers are awesome. I'm planning on installing a plow on both ends of my car so I can ram down as much living things as possible (maybe a plow on each of the doors as well).
    • Because.
    • Nuke the forests and cornfields and then pave over them.
    • We should just cut down the trees and then immediately pour tar and cement over the stumps and twigs. That way it'll never have a chance to grow back and it'll look cool like all hilly with jutting points and stuff.

    Mayonnaise is stupid. Don't eat it. Reasons why:

    • It only tastes relatively good with tuna.
    • It's impossible to spell right on the first try.
    • Mustard is better. Especially hot mustard.
    • Only white people eat it (TWO RACE JOKES SLAMMED INTO THIS ARTICLE! MAN I'M "LIVING ON THE EDGE" LIKE AEROSMITH)!

    I guess naming something Part One means you've got to have a Part Two. Will there be one? WHO KNOWS! Well, I guess one means another one to follow this one. I mean that there will be another one following Part One. You see? You dig? You follow? You saw, you dug, you followed while I came, I saw, I came again but this time it wasn't as strong because I was tired so I punched the bitch in the tooth. I like them old.

    - Awful Xanga of the Week

    Maddox_Fantasies (thanks Tucker Max Drunk) - If you're like me, you dream about having sex with famous Internet celebrity "Maddox". If only there was someone else with the same feelings for him OH SHIT SPEAK OF THE DEVIL.

    Meanwhile Carolyn untied Maddox. Terri's moans were dying down now. Maddox looked at Carolyn and touched her breast. Her nipples hardened instantly, and he smiled. Terri knew that it was now Carolyn's turn with Maddox and climbed off him, lying on the bed. Maddox sucked Carolyn's nipple for a second, enjoying what he had earlier been denied. Then he took control.

    Now only if I could find an airbrushed wolf shirt to wear OH WAIT SPEAK OF THE DEVIL YOU ARE WEARING ONE.

Comments (25)

  • You are living on the edge.

  • Man, I dunno who's steamingly worse... Maddox or John_Q_Normal... hmmm Maddox.... John_Q_Normal.... hmmm...

  • YOU SPELLED HEINOUS WRONG.

  • my einous is hanus.

  • i used to like tapioca. i don't think i can eat it anymore. thanks.

  • righto.

    you make awesome food.. even though i realize it is probably spit in and stepped on. its still yummy

  • HEY GUYS I HAVE AN HEINOUS HANUS ANUS GET MY JOKES AND HUMOR?!

  • Yes, it's about the world of fucking warcraft. Wow, you must really think we're all dumb. Do you honestly think that we don't know what these devices you have on your page are? We all know that they just put the name in of the person who is logged in and viewing your Xanga. Honestly, it's called beating a dead horse. I know you think you're creative for using them, but nobody is that fucking dumb.

  • Ha, look at this hippie totally standing up for everyone! He thinks you're all NOT dumb! What a load/larf!

  • Jesus Christ, you really are a fucking dumbass. Don't come to my site anymore, you pretentious piece of shit.

  • STOP BEING A DUMB ASS JESUS

    You pretentious bastard! You and your...pretentious stuff!

  • this post=the shit.

  • Ewww internet drama.

    PS- Tapioca is good.

  • Did you know a study came out that dark chocolate can prevent heart attacks?

  • http://www.xanga.com/SadisticSatisfaction 

    You might like that.

    When i say like, I mean not like.

  • You have the worst taste in sweets of all time. Olives are most definitely the worst, however.

  • MARKWORTH MORE LIKE MARK-NOT-WORTH-ANYTHING!

    I am the first person to EVER make that joke in the history of that name.

  • I can't stop laughing.  It's so Dane Cook ... it's so fucking random and yet SO TRUE!

  • "Man, I dunno who's steamingly worse... Maddox or SaffronFirefly... hmmm Maddox.... SaffronFirefly.... hmmm..."
    When was I made awful Xanga of the week? And why? Who is this guy, and why does he think I am so steamingly bad?

  • Woah, since when is your birthday eight days before mine?

  • I didn't say anything about John_Q_Normal.

  • Props for making newwavephantom angry.

  • Oh yeah, I have naked pictures of NewWave if you want them. Don't ask me where I got them.

    Ok fine I'll tell you: on his 18th birthday he posted them for the world to see and several gay internet lurkers e-mailed them around the world just in case they ever needed to use them against him. One of them owes me a favor, so I am sure I can obtain the photo again.

  • I'm back! check it out my xanga for my myspace screenname and add me! thanks.

  • this is the best thing you've written in months, kenny.

    months.

    mainly because I agree with you on all levels, even though I think mayonnaise is delicious. and I spelled it right on the first try. but you're right, it only tastes relatively better when mixed with tuna.

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