February 10, 2005

  • I sure love the mall!


    Went to the mall today (so call CNN for this groundbreaking news)! I don't usually go to the mall because one time my mother fell down the second story and broke her head wide-open on the Cellular One stand. The ambulance came and rushed her outside while pumping her full of medicines. I tried to go along but the jeans-wearing paramedic pushed me down as I tried to climb in the back.

    "Get back kid, we'll take good care of your mom's carcass - I mean we'll take good care of her kid. Now get outta here before you get in trouble."

    The fat ambulance driver then began to do something to my mom in an up and down motion. I couldn't tell what he was doing because the windows got all foggy and even cracked a bit from the violent motions.

    Anyway, I sure love the mall! It's filled with many, many interesting people just bursting at the rafters with amazing stories! They also look different from you and me and live in the mall sometimes:


    Gregory "Darkrose of Saphrax" Dennis followed me into the bathroom.

    Then after about ten minutes I was hella hungry like whoa, so I went into the food court. The food court smelled good and some old man offered me free samples. I first agreed, until later I found out he meant samples of his man juice. OH THE SEX JOKES ARE ENDLESS. Then I went to McDonalds. I took a picture of the guy in front of me:


    This man is very sweaty and said that I smelled.

    This man was very interesting. He yelled at the cashier for hating blacks when he didn't get his extra-extra large vanilla milkshake. They kept yelling at eachother and everyone was leaving.

    "You mother fucker give me my goddamn vanilla milkshake. Where's your manager at?"
    "What seems to be the problem, sir?"
    "This inept motha fucker is messin' up my order."
    "Calm down sir, I'll get you that milkshake free of charge."
    "Don't tell me to calm down, I'll calm down when this mother fucker is fired!"
    "Sir, you're scaring the customers away. Please calm down."
    "Shut the fuck up and get my milkshake, honkey!"
    "Ouch! Stop throwing watermelon and food stamps at my face!"

    The fat black guy then walks away yelling rap lyrics as loud as he can while throwing welfare checks in the air. Luckily, some speedy Asian men jump up like ninjas and catch them. They land and add them together with their calculators. All the while, some Jewish guy with a big roll of one dollar bills was there in the food court throwing a Bar Mitzvah. The Yiddish music was so loud it hurt my ears. I took cover underneath a tent some Indians built in the food court. The Indians were dancing around like idiots and making it rain inside. Little kids who I've seen on those Christian Children's Fund commercials and who were begging for food jumped up and down in the occasion and drank the water that accumulated in the trash cans.

    True story to the 100%.

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