March 4, 2012

• I need a cig.

  If you've ever met me in real life, you'll find out quick that I have a reputation of punching jerks and breaking things. Guitars especially, and mostly over your head. But since you're my friend, I have to tell you something personal: I hate you. That's a pretty bold statement to make since I basically don't know who you are. But believe me, after almost three decades of life in me and maybe five more to go I've drawn a conclusion about you. You're not basically decent, you're basically an asshole. Also you masturbate too much. Or not enough. Either way, you're still an asshole.

  I'd go as far as to say that you're an elephant's asshole. Elephants take giant shits and have big assholes. The diameter of the thing is like a hubcap. That's a huge asshole. Quote me on that. It's pre-packaged for your fucking blog. Like those Hallmark cards with shit already written in them. Laziness is what I call it. Also: what is with little kids having giant buck teeth? I hate that.

  • 3:03 AM
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