June 11, 2006

• Weird is Subjective

  Things to do before I die:

  • Go to the library and hide behind the stair case so I can cut people's ankles with scissors.
  • Burst a colostomy bag over my face.
  • Pop an eyeball with my thumb.
  • Crush glass into a fine dust and put it into baby formula.
  • Blow my nose in the mouths of sleeping children.
  • Rub thin layers of feces all over sink handles.
  • Save my shaving scum for personal use.
  • Mutilate my penis with a lighter.
  • Record nine episodes of the Weather Channel.
  • Ride dirty.
  • Study traffic patterns while recording the Weather Channel.
  • Start a bread collection in my attic.
  • Burn my testicles with a hot iron.
  • Sand the tip of my penis down.
  • Make more penis jokes.
  • Entice bums to fight each other for money
  • Have sex while listening to Chris Gaines.
  • Sell samurai swords to underage children.
  • Shoot heroine directly into my ears.
  • Collect anime figurine dolls, lube them up, and then yiff myself to sleep (that's some hardcore yiffing).
  • Orgasm HARD while listening to Rush Limbaugh.
  • Punch a dog in the face.
  • Strap a landmine to a little girl's face and then throw her into a gas truck.
  • Tar and feather a child and then cut off their arms. Break their legs with a sledgehammer. They will look like an ostrich (mirror image of one almost).
  • Help and old lady cross the street.
  • Ask out an old lady.
  • Make love to an old lady.
  • Dump an old lady's corpse in the river.

  Wouldn't you just like to walk down a street and stab people with a syringe you found on the ground? That would be so much fun. Oh man, the fun you could have doing that. They'd probably get AIDS! AIDS is funny because it can kill you. See, that's the joke! A knee slapper if I say so myself!

  I am the most violent person on the face of the soon-to-be-smoldering Earth! Sometimes I wish the blood of a million children would be dumped right on top of an orphanage while I drink tea. Preferably lemon tea. Not that green tea shit. That tea is pure shit. It's like a fat man is taking a shit directly down my throat hole when I'm choking that shit down.

  The orphanage would have screaming children inside. I would just jam broken glass into their throats and then they'd shutup! I hate kids. Every time I see a baby having fun and being excited I'm like "stop being a baby" and I sucker punch it right in the bloated stomach.

  Oh I'm just so crazy and kooky! Let me go masturbate to my collection of knives with animals and/or American flags carved on them. I once saw a Rusty Wallace pocket knife. My face then exploded because I couldn't handle it.

  - Awful Xanga of the Week

  Gucci_Man (thanks everyone in the world) - This site sucks almost as much as any skinny tanned girl who wears those ugly ass fade-to-clear designer aviator sunglasses that are way too big for their goddamn stupid skinny heads. Seriously, I hate those glasses. Some of them come with tiny screws on the side. I hate those screws. More like, screw you! Get my scew jokes? It was like a play on words! How about a designer PUNCH IN THE FACE?

  Rudeness is the WEAK mans interpretation of strength.

  OH YEAH? WELL, YOUR MOTHER IS A HO AND SHE'S GOT TO GO! HUH? WHO'S LAUGHING NOW? A CLOWN? BECAUSE I DON'T SEE ONE!

  *HERE IS WHERE GUCCI_MAN WOULD POST A BUNCH OF UNNECESSARY PICTURES*

  Blah blah blah blah blah.

  I've heard crazy stories about this guy in the past so if you remember any of them feel free to share.

  • 1:00 PM
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