March 22, 2005
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Jail II.
After being bludgeoned in the face by a cross dressing police officer or something, I woke up in a jail cell. Everything was all wet and it smelled like the toilet just exploded. Dark outside too and the cell was all like stone and stuff. It was like that scene in that movie Man in the Iron Mask where they showed that metal mask dude in his cell. That movie was awesome. There was also some other guy in the cell with me who was a bit shaky. All he did was shake and put his hands in his pants to touch his bare ass. Then he would put his hand up to his nose and smell it. His fingers were always covered in a fresh coating of ass blood. He sure is a card. We just talked for hours and hours:"So, your ass is bleeding, eh? Yep, that sucks. Did I ever tell you about the time I took a vacation to the Alps and took a dump on the tour bus? That was cool. It had heated seats and everything! The toilet paper sucked though. Luckily I carry my own pocket tissues. Didn't help though, so I just rinsed my ass off in this one sink. I shaved my cheeks for that particular vacation. The reason being..."
"Won't you shut the hell up for two goddamn seconds? You've been talking non-stop for the last three and a half hours! I sure as hell don't give a damn about your stupid dime you found on the freeway, the cat ladies nude body or the plot line for the entire first season of Knight Rider! Alright?"
"Probly. Prolly. Prolly want a cracker? HAHAHA! Get the water, 'cuz I'm on fire today!"
"Goddammit. GUARD! Jesus Christ my fucking ass hurts. This blood smells like almonds, I know it. It's almonds. JESUS CHRIST A PIECE OF MY ASS CAME OFF! OH - MY- GOD! JESUS CHRIST, GUARD! GUARD! I NEED A FUCKING DOCTOR! OH JESUS CHRIST!"The dude started to cry uncontrollably. What a dumb wuss. I kicked his ass because he was such a wuss. I then went to give him a wedgie super old school style and all this bloody meat ran down his leg and splattered onto the floor. He screamed so loud the guard finally heard.
"What in the hell do you want Jack? Goddammit, can't a man shit in peace? What the fuck are you doing Jack? HOLY SHIT KID! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO YOU TO JACK YOU FUCKING PSYCHOPATH?"
"Nice going Jack. Why don't you just change your name to Snitchy McSnitch, stupid snitch."
"He's....he's dead. Oh, son. You're gonna burn for this shit, you sonuvabitch. ON THE FLOOR NOW!"So some stuff happened that involved me being punched and anyway, turns out I was in a holding cell or something for killing all these people. That sucked. And I escaped and I'll tell you how I did some other time if I remember. I don't know, America's Most Wanted is on now.
Comments (39)
FRIST TO PSOT!
Err...I mean, damn. I wish I was so awesome. I'll just have to kick it up a notch.
Remember when i had a boil on my ass, good times good times.... Booonnggggggg..
Cross-dressing police officers can be scary.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
will that adobe 1.5 thing let me change files to mp3's? cause ive already saved the files
Oh mutants from outter space. You couldnt think of anything else to write in all caps? Thats ok. Umm but why did you leave a comment on my site? If you could tell me that would be lovely.
have a lovely day
I had to get a prisoner meal for a guy in the holding cells once. They got it at McDonald's. One of the cops told me it would be funny if I took a bite out of the hamburger before I gave it to him. But I never did. I don't like McDonald's hamburgers.
cool banner . . . . . . . :)
awesome
Ass meats are almost as delicious as mongoloid demon babies with down syndrome!
Ah, that down syndrome. I think it adds a little tang.. or maybe its pep. I know Lawry's makes an awesome mix- so does Kikoman, but Lawry's has less calories. And you don't even sacrifice taste.
That fuckin answer sucks my cats cock!! Give me a real reason or ill find you and kill you.
have a lovely day
What that is also a suck ass reason. I want a better one. Oh i know an Asian male that is 18.
*hand motions*mehmehmehmehmehmeh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh *hand motions* meh meh meh meh meh meh meh *hand motions*
you ruled those bitches in jail.
By chance... did you manage to save any of the ass pieces?
Attack of the fuckin' donny darko impersonator.
What is this Donnie Darko. Some movie about some guy or something. I refuse to use question marks.
ahhh, kenny you always make me laugh, sometimes i dont get it but i laugh any way just to go with the crowd, like lemmings jumping off a cliff yeah just like that
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~KENNY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
??'s rawk
Man in the Iron Mask was definitely underrated
shtup you yank twat
nerd
whatever drugs you are taking ill have a double.
dude that is the fuckin shit and I put it on my favourites, just in case I need a good laugh.
Greetings, I am Dr. Ebola.
HOLY SHIT DUDE. I saw that Wigger Website you made. That is fucking funny shit. I damned near fell off my chair when I saw that. Good work. The NOT QUITE part of it was a fucking howl.
I saw your site through my half-brother's (he's liberal_nemesis). I subscribed and I have to say that I give you major props for killing that ass guy.
SUDDENLY YOUR NAME IS JACK????
WTF... I feel like I don't even knowyou anymore...
yes the real ultimate power rules!
And I saw your comment (something about "this site moves slower than a retarded kid trying to climb a fence") on SqueezeANDlickLolliPop's xanga and just wanted to let you know just how amazing i think that is. <3
It was the only thing on.
have a lovely day
and Dr.Phil could kill you
Yes i know My stack overflowed.
who are you do i know you? how did you get my xanga site?
Who in the hell are you?
That's good stuff, there.
??????????????
im not sure who the hell ur talking about but maybe?? lol...shit i donno...later
=Chris=
um, yes. i'd like 2 soft taco supremes, an order of nachos, and a large mountain dew. please don't mess up my order because i might get angry.
YOU AGAIN?! Haha, you just commented on a friend of mine's xanga. You posted on mine a while back, you may not remember. BUT HOW CAN I FORGET A FACE LIKE THAT?!
You even inspired me to make a similar pic of myself. http://www.geocities.com/goken04/Kenble.gif
If you're on a slow one, you gotta give it serious time to load.
holla at your boi
Hey Kenny. We're having a meet Sunday at 1 and Wrestlemania that night. If you want to go, lemme know and I'll give you Directions to AJ's.
Comments are closed.