November 17, 2011

• How to be Lazy: Part II

  1. Never Shower
  Showering takes time and money. All the buying of soap and shampoos isn't worth it. In fact, hygiene altogether costs money. Just use lots of body spray. If you can't afford body spray, just wipe your armpit and ball sweat off in a gas station bathroom. Two-for-one special: you can also steal the toilet paper. When that toilet paper runs out, just wipe your ass with the snot rags in the trashcan.

  2. Smoke Cigarette Butts on the Ground
  Why purchase cigarettes when they're out there for free, for the taking? Go inside of a bar and empty the ashtrays into your pockets. People also leave their drinks unattended so you might as well finish them off. What are they gonna do? Fight you? Yeah right. People are wimps. Tips are lying around too, so take them. The busier the bar, the easier it is to do. Then go home and empty the butts onto a table and roll all the contents into one giant cigar using the want-ads in the newspaper. Don't let "The Man" push you around!

  3. Eat Out of the Trash
  The garbage cans outside of your local Taco Bell are a goldmine of delicious, almost-eaten food. Tacos always taste the same no matter how rotten they are. Plus, eating this will build up your immune system. The sicker you get, the more it is working.

  4. Piss in a Bottle
  Who needs to get up and go all the way to the toilet anyhow? Is it so wrong to just store your piss in a two liter jug to empty out later? If you get a giant bucket you can just make your own little toilet in the room! You don't even need water! You can just use your own urine! It'll fill up eventually. When it does, just push it into the hallway.
  
  5. Kill Yourself
  If you die, you won't have to eat or talk or anything. It's the way to go, I think.

  Awful Xanga of The Week
  less_calories (thanks White Pride Worldwide) - Anorexia. Remember that? Now I do, because of this:

  
  "I've got a flu as well. Great!"

  I understand the need to vent on the internet to complete strangers. Actually I don't. Hopefully that new Internet bill passes so I'll be banned from the Internet forever.

  Think you're lazy? Read part one.

  • 6:28 PM
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