April 18, 2007

• OLD MAN KENNY

  Many of you don't know this, but I am not, in fact, a young man who enjoys wearing clown makeup on every holiday. I am in fact a surly old man who's age has riddled his face with bed sores. Bed sores form on my face because I sleep on my stomach naked with many, many pillows covering my head in hopes that I will suffocate in the night. I eat a lot before I go to bed so that when I die my bowels release all over the sheets. There is nothing more satisfying than leaving a big mess for people to clean up.

  As an old man I am strong. So strong I can lift entire buildings with one mighty heave and chuck them into school buses (because I hate children and there noise). Whoa brah one time I was dancing and I accidentely ran into a building and they thought it was the Uni-Bomber but I was really doing this hip new dance move called the "shoulder lean" because I wanted to impress this chick but she didn't buy it and I tried to call her but she didn't answer so I left 46 messeges on her machine why won't she call back?????!!!!??? I bet it's because I'm so handsome her brain can't handle it and she shits herself like every day trying to figure me out.

  
  This is how it is.

  The other day some dude was like "hey dude brah how much can you bench?" and i was confused because it is a well known fact (scientific) that i can bench approx. 1 gazillion pounds like fer sure no foolin'. F-F-F-FOOLIN'. Man, I hope my grandkids read this (assuming I live that long).

  Awful Xanga of the Whenever

  Dangerous_And_Cool2 (thanks myself) - Anyone know where I can find Corn Nuts? Nobody seems to sell them around here. I mean, what's up with that? I've looked maybe five, ten minutes for these things and not a single damn store had them.

  I hate essays! They suck! I have to do a stupid Frankenstein essay that is due tomorrow and I haven't even started even though I am doing it now. It sucks!!! Augh!!! Ever had to do an essay and you hated it so much, you just wanted to scream your heart out to the world...yeah thats how I feel right now. *burns essay in a fire* thats better.

  Welp, that's it. Yep, that is the first site I came upon in five minutes. *burns hopes and dreams in a fire*

  • 7:29 PM
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