June 10, 2005

  • Huge Sack.


    I know     some dude* who is selling his balls for $150,000 so he can like go to college or something. That's awesome. Awesome because there is money. If I sold my garbage for money, I'm sure the ol' frank-n-beans would merit more money than that. Or should I say sausage-n-globes. I mean, my junk is so huge it is pretty much created entire universe as we know it. NO LIE. How could I boast such a claim? Little known fact: I actually created everything living in five seconds. I was just jacking off to some porn or something and BLAM! OUT COMES ALL THINGS LIVING. Just ask any good science teacher and they'll tell you that you all came from my balls. Some like to refer this monumentous event as "The Big Bang". I think the title is appropriate because it was a pretty intense moment for me. After that huge "explosion of life" I needed a blood transfusion.

    The slab of meat in my pants that I call my penis is also the largest ever seen by man (and woman). Nobody is as huge as me. I mean, I'm uncircumcised so the foreskin makes it look even longer by extending a full three inches beyond the tip. I don't even need a condom because I have such powerful control over my foreskin. I can make it go up and down like I'm blinking or something. Sometimes if I'm bored (don't tell anybody), I draw eyes on it and make the tip talk.

    I dont' know. I went to visit my good Uncle Steve again the other day. Uncle Steve is a qualified clinician. He gives me hernia and rectal exams. "They're uncomfortable, but important" says my Uncle Steve. Uncle Steve is a team player. Everyone loves Uncle Steve. I think that this is true. He always helps people out and gives to the community. Just the other day he gave out a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw to my good friend Gregory Despres for free! What a guy! Does your Uncle Douchebag do that? No. Probably because he is a douchebag and drinks douche water every hour on the hour.

    * Justin Ebert! Haha! In your stupid face JUSTIN EBERT.

Comments (13)

  • But, if all things living came from your jewels, and you are contained within the field of All Things Living, then does that make pornography the snake in the Garden of Eden, and Uncle Steve the Devil?  Or is your talking smiley-face wiener the Messiah.  Thses are powerful theological questions that precede all of life that has been formulating for billions of years, in the mix of which our individual lives are mere granules

    HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF MY UNCKY DOUCHEBAG LIKE THAT

  • Kenny, you have attained the handle... Sascrotch.  It's like bigfoot (sasquatch) except like...hugedong.

  • I think we deserve a picture of this monstrous package.

    We won't believe you till you post one.

  • ^^^ please...don't. ^^^

  • !_!  How much are you charging to sell your own "package"?

  • i thought i tasted a little salty.

  • Ha, what a crazy guy.

  • i dont know if i should be worried you went from reflecting on your penis to your uncle.

  • I want to see this large penis myself because I suspect that mine is larger.

         Much Anal Love and Probing,

                  -Dick "Da Prick wit da LOOOONG Schlong" Cheney

  • dude man i know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way about putting metallica and megadeth together. lol. I didn't think anyone else knew the meaning about it. But i love the Peace Sells. I change it alot so.

  • i would not see my nads because then there would be no fun ever. college is nothing without sex

  • hey how about i shit in ur mouth fuck

  • thank you for your comment on my internet :)

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