February 2, 2012

  • People wear me out.

    I'm not much for small talk. I can't stand it. Everyday there are people flapping their gums as if it will fill the tired void of awkward silence that happens to pop up. I enjoy awkward silence. In fact, I encourage it. How is this done you've never asked? By not talking when people think I should. I like to see people shuffling in their seats, pretending to text on their phones, and sighing relentlessly.

    It snowed out the other day. In spite of the weather man telling the planet that the snow was coming, people still acted surprised when it actually came. To put a cherry on top, they had the arrogance to ask me if I had actually seen it. What are you trying to tell me? I've never been outside? I live in a cement block with no windows? Yes, I'm such a shut-in that experiencing the sheer joy of coming out of my hobbit hole would put me into an epileptic shock as the fresh winter air hits my virgin lungs.

    What's with that guy on Law and Order: Criminal Intent? His head is always sideways. And why am I always eating the same damn thing when I watch it? Bacon. Bacon and murder: coming soon.

    (This post is dedicated to Joe Paterno, who had the audacity to die and flood my Facebook feed.)

    Awful Xanga of the Week
    @michaelmyersrocks (thanks non-horror Xanga search) - 15 years old. Gay.

    "I wasz talkinqq too my babe on the phone and he says everytime he talks to me, he qets hard.! ;) hehe awwwwwwww iloveit when a quy tells me i make him horny!"

    Gross.

    "Face down,ass up, thats the way i liked to be fucked.!!! Lmfao ;D"

    I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC. Why don't you have a seat right over there?
     

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