April 2, 2006

  • This is an Article About How I Am As Funny As Timothy Allen (With a Long Title to Boot)

    I'd like to start off today's family fun circle with some jokes! Are we ready? Get ready to laugh because I'm as funny as any black woman who liked Star Wars!

    • What's up with white people having world records in obesity? Is it because they eat a lot of fattening food and then not move for hours at a time? That was some "observational humor" for you comedy layman's out there.
    • Hey partner! Oh, your great grandma is died? Well, if she's so darn tootin' great then how come she's DEAD? Some giant words were here.
    • Women! I mean, why won't they talk to me for more than five seconds? Is it because they're all vicious bulldykes? Eh? I gotta tell ya folks, I am one funny ass son of a bitch. I am literally so funny that I just dethroned the undisputed king of comedy Tim "Mother Fucking" Allen. Move on over Tim Allen - here comes Ken.
    • Don't you think that by taping oranges under my shirt I would have a great set of man-tits? Now John Goodman - there's a guy with a nice rack. Damn those are some fine hairy ass chest tents. I wonder if he'll let me stick it in between them.

    I'm pretty sure that what I just wrote fulfilled the dreams of my forefathers. I can't wait until my great, great grand children ask me what I did with myself in my spare time. Of course, that's under the assumption that I'll live to be that old. I'm sure that one day I'll be killed when a dump truck falls on top of me and I explode because, for some reason, it was parked on a rooftop and the brakes didn't work. Just my luck the truck will be full of amputated parts fresh from the hospital and they won't be able to distinguish my parts from theirs and a huge mix up will take place at the morgue. Or what if when the dump truck hit me all my internal organs and bones liquefy instantly but my skin doesn't break at all. I'll just look like a giant tan trash bag full of blood. They try to pick me up and BOOM - I pop all over their faces. That'd be pretty funny.

    That's enough funeral talk for this month.

    - Awful Xanga of the Week

    Wile_E8 (thanks tele) - I recently watched this one CSI episode where a furry died after he go shot and then hit by a car. This was after some dude put epicac on him in a "fur pile" and semen was all over the crotch of another animal suit. It gave me a boner to tell you the truth.

    I rely heavily on email for IMPORTANT information, especially my job this summer!!! And, they blocked all these other website like the financial ones...well guess what, I am taking an economic class, which research is involved. How am I suppose to do that when it's blocked? This is a joke. No one will stand for this. Something is going down tomarrow... You might want to check the newspapers tomarrow, this could get ugly.

    What. Tim Allen says "oh no" in a weird, grainy voice when something goes wrong for him.

    As we were just looking at eachother for that 10 minutes, I think we some how came to some sort of an understanding about eachother. It was like we connected. The lion was looking at me as something other then a threat or food and I was looking at him as something other then a lion locked up in a cage. It was like a mutual understanding. The best way that I can describe it would be "respect."

    I don't know about that but Tim Allen was a furry in the movie "Shaggy Dog".

    - Awful Myspace of the Forever

    You (yes YOU) can now visit the official Myspace account of Kenneth Rules Esq. of the Internet! The link is hidden in this very sentence! Where? Nobody knows! If you enjoy the delicacies of Myspace for some reason, travel o'er yonder and witness the sheer terror!

Comments (30)

  • Who needs MySpace when you have Xanga chatboard and memories? Heck, we even got nudges in this shit.

  • Please-o-please-o-please make DeltaMedic the next AXOW.

  • INTERNET WEBLOG

  • Also, I have yet to see any trace of the username script...

  • ethical? i dunno>..

    to disable site blocking used in the corp world start internet exploder
    click tools, internet options, connections tab, lan settings button, uncheck proxy server.

    alternate method:
    use an internet mail reader rss thingy.. use outlook to read
    or
    do summary research at night.. email or save word docs or excel.. thats look really businessy- (no one will ever think you're surfing school things) from websites.

    i was eating my frosted mini-wheats and reading this and the whole trashbag scenario got the milk all up in my nose
    i've even seen browser skins that make even the raunchiest websites look like word and excel docs hahaha.

  • Ahh, the glory of AXOTW.

  • You are the absolute ugliest mofo I have ever seen.

  • Why does everyone keep telling me that I am drury.

  • Alright Fag. Putting you in that same bag. Enjoy

  • I do what I like, deal with it. Why? Because I can.

  • If I'm the fag that will be put in the same bag, will it not sag? Let me brag about the basic slag hag that gag on the wagging tags that drag on the confederate flag whilst a zig and zag.

  • Oh yea...

    Dude... so you are a fag who is in defend of himself by elaborating bullshit and nonsensical words that rhymes.

    Ok. I understand. It is ok to be a homosexual. It is fine. It is ok. (Just watch what kind of damage you are doing to your future--adopted--kid).

    Now this...

    Prevent yourself from being the next victim of laziness and complacencies--loose some fat weight. Move about please. (This is a genderless and "preference-less" advice, consider yourself not charged).

  • I read in a magazine that the children of homosexual couples are fully capable of growing up as mentally healthy as their heterosexual parented counterparts. Can't say that for the children of divorced parents. So much for the sanctitiy of marriage.

    Oh snap!

  • kenny ur such a douche

  • This is directed to "John_Q_Normal" only, for he is the sole deserving recipient of this message.

    Enjoy. I will do the same.

  • Well Andy, there it is.

  • I don't know what to say.

  • Oh wait. Yes I do. PANTS.

  • P.S.S.

    DeltaMedic's grammar skills have sucked many a penis

    for example:

    "You are bunch of sad folks. I need not to void any more of my time nor expand any more words."

    how do you expand a word?!

    "Yes, I am direct and I am generous--with my words. I don't bullshit, I don't pretend. And I am the kind of person who can speak of wisdom and at the same time--truly mean it, as in to use it to help others."

    i think hes a bit too serious or hes just pmsing

    "Oh, look at this. My picture is now on your site"

    ...wow

    "wow, I can sure get real "wrong" when I'm piss*."

    what?

    "I am all over your site like a fucking swarm of yellow jackets"

    "Consider yourself taught in a rough way, warn with many words"

  • Just go fuck yourself.

  • ok
    now seriously...
    nonsensical words that rhymes.

    wtf

    what is that

  • "I can't wait until my great, great grand children ask me what I did with myself in my spare time."

    You and me both, brother.

  • DEAR GUY I NEVER MET, IT USE MY WORK TERMINAL SO ITS SET ON CAPS FOR GOOD.  I CANT CHANGE IT WITHOUT A LONG AND BORING PROCESS. 

    BY THE WAY, I HAD A CASE OF THE FLU THAT WAS FUNNIER THE TIM ALLEN.

  • Yes, and there's way too many dipshits in comedy.

  • ^^From BallpointAddiction, not me.

  • I HATE YOU!!!!

  • I hate you too.

    ^^From Jesus, not me.

  • SINBAD?  WELL WHY DIDNT U SAY SO!  HES THE FUNNIEST BLACK COMEDIAN OUT THERE . . . . NEXT TO . . .  ALL THE OTHER BLACK COMEDIANS. 

  • Animal Tune is freakin' awesome.

  • How come they always shut their sites down before I can look at brutally ridicule them for sucking

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment